Confession of one year ago, on March 2nd, 2020
The aftermath of a life-changing moment
By daytime, the drive and internal flame burns wildly, as I appreciate each breathing moment. The level of consciousness is open, and higher than ever. Here I am, and this is all there is, so let’s experience it fully and deeply.
But as the night falls, my body aches and my mind is weary. It wonders to darker places, it thinks of both of them, of what they will become. Shame settles and sadness returns. My nights are restless as my heart races. Against my will, he comes back at night and haunts me. My subconscious is not letting him go. There’s nothing else to gain from this experience.
God, I want to look forward and let go. I want to let him go. I am bigger and better than all of this. He played a wicked, wicked game and I fell in love. The song unexpectedly played in a mellow acoustic tone, and tears ran down my face as the grey skies let the rain fall.
I am still deeply wounded, but moving forward. Oh, how I deeply resent you for that. Inner peace will set me free. My world is on fire, and no one could save me but you. Broken promises on a base of a beautiful illusion. That is all it was, a beautiful mirage.
It was an important lesson about self-worth and lack of self love.
Today, I thank you. You showed me you, and I needed to see that.
