There comes a time in your life, a time where you’ve grown, analyzed inside out all that there is, and blamed yourself endlessly for things you are not responsible for.
There comes a time in your life where you chose not to go through, or live negativity, regardless of the said and done. Regardless of your part, your responsibility.
There comes a time when you know, in the depth of your being, that you’ve done your very best. That in fact, in your assumed imperfections, you have given, once more, 100% of your very best to that special person.
Within attesting those very facts, there comes a time where you take a firm stand for yourself and chose to leave what no longer serves you, what belittles you, what put you in a place of guilt and doubt and what makes you insecure.
There is no one who is allowed to make you feel like they are better than you, for if they really are better, wiser and smarter, they would never act in a way to hurt you or put you down, or make the remark that they are superior. There lies true respect and intelligence.
There is something inherently beautiful and magical in the fact of getting older. As you grow, you learn to fall in love with yourself, first and foremost, which allows you to trace a path towards acceptation, which leads to a feeling of peace in your heart.
As you get to know yourself, you accept that certain things in you won’t change. They might get better, but the core of who you are remains. As you accept this fact, you accept yourself, as you are.
You give yourself space to improve, by incremental steps, what you want to change within yourself, not what others expect of you. You bloom and you glow, and you attract everything pure, joyous and beautiful. You might also attract envy and jealousy, for getting to this peaceful state is a long whining road, a destination that some are never able to reach.
Detaching yourself from what hurts your heart becomes clear and simple. It is You, first and foremost. It is you, and your child next, and both of your well-being.
It is knowing that you have given your best, but that unfortunately, your best will probably never be enough.
By this detachment, you become intolerant. Intolerant to what you should have never tolerated in the first place, and then time and time again. We all have our unhealthy patterns, old ways to which we eventually return. Once we are aware of these, we consciously deal with what’s at hand, knowing that it has to stop.
And so, there I am. Standing in front of another situation, where I am disrespected and hurt. Where I apologize repeatedly for what I’ve « done », and it’s still not enough. The wrath of deception is still imposed upon me, and in that, I see the never ending cycle.
This ends today. Lara first, always.